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What Drives Your Life? – The Purpose Driven Life

PurposeDrivenLife

Happy Holidays. 

I wanted to share this with you all because it helped me identify some of my weak spots which was important to my daily growth journey. I knew I couldn’t keep this gem to myself so here we are.

A couple of months ago I went to pick up a few books while thrifting and I came across The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It had been recommended to me in the past so I knew it was too sweet of a deal to pass up for $1.99. Of course I bought it. While reading the first Chapter, I was thinking “okay, I can definitely follow along this Spiritual and Mental Journey for 40 days” but the more I began to read it, the more interesting it became. And then Day 3 happened. I was forced to look myself in the mirror while reading this particular Chapter. Chapter 3 spoke so much life to me because a lot of it described my flaws to a T. After reading this I had to share with my close friends and I figured, No Boiz Allowed is amongst the circle I call “friends” as well so here we are.

DAY 3 : What Drives Your Life?

Everyone’s life is driven by something.
Right now you may be driven by a problem, a pressure, or a deadline. You may be driven by a painful memory, a haunting fear, or an unconscious belief. There are hundreds of circumstances, values and emotions that can drive your life. Here are 5 of the most common ones.

MANY PEOPLE ARE DRIVEN BY GUILT. They spend their entire lives running from regrets and hiding their shame. Guilt-driven people are manipulated by memories. They allow their past to control their future. They often unconsciously punish themselves by sabotaging their own success…
We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it. God’s purpose is not limited by your past… God specializes in giving people a fresh start.

MANY PEOPLE ARE DRIVEN BY RESENTMENT AND ANGER. They hold on to hurts and never get over them. Instead of releasing their pain through forgiveness, they rehearse it over and over in their minds. Some resentment-driven people “clam up” and internalize their anger, while others “blow up” and explode it onto others. Both responses are unhealthy unhelpful… Resentment always hurts you more than it does the person you resent. While your offender has probably forgotten the offense and gone on with life, you continue to stew in your pain, perpetuating the past.

LISTEN: Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. Your past is your past! Nothing will change it. You are only hurting yourself with your bitterness. For your own sake, learn from it, and then let it go.

MANY PEOPLE ARE DRIVEN BY FEAR. Their fears may be a result of a traumatic experience, unrealistic expectations, growing up in a high-control home, or even genetic predisposition. Regardless of the cause, fear-driven people often miss great opportunities because they’re afraid to venture out. Instead they play it safe, avoiding risks and trying to maintain the status quo.
Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be.

MANY PEOPLE ARE DRVIEN BY MATERIALISM. Their desire to acquire becomes the whole goal of their lives. This drive to always want more is based on the misconceptions that having more will make me more happy, more important, and more secure, but all three ideas are untrue. Possessions only provide temporary happiness. Because things do not change, we eventually become bored with them and then want newer, bigger, better versions.
It’s also a myth that if I get more, I will be more important. Self-worth and net worth are not the same. Your value is not determined by your valuables, and God says the most valuable things in life are not things!

MANY PEOPLE ARE DRIVEN BY THE NEED FOR APPROVAL. They allow the expectations of parents or spouses or children or teachers or friends to control their lives. Many adults are still trying to earn the approval of unpleasable parents. Others are driven by peer pressure, always worried by what others might think. Unfortunately, those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it. I don’t know all the keys to success, but one key to failure is to try to please everyone. Being controlled by the opinions of others is a guaranteed way to miss God’s purposes for your life.

WHAT DRIVES YOU?

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How To Be A #GirlBoss – Girl Talk Recap

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Last week I had the pleasure of hosting our fourth live chat in honor of our Book Club. This discussion was inspired from the book Girl Boss written by Sophia Amoruso which was our most current read. Honey when I tell you this discussion was inspiring, I mean that in every sense of the word. With general questions answered by the everyday woman whether you read the book or not, this chat allowed the participants to be open to the audience and honest not only with us but with themselves. We each walked away with a little more knowledge, tips and empowerment than we originally entered with. Without further ado. Here were the 10 questions asked…

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– By being transparent, teach them & assist in their journey – @Que_Queens
– Show them that we’re learning and growing everyday, just like they are. I feel like the leaders before us gave us this strong desire to be perfect, exact, ALL the time, when in fact the mistakes we make is how we learned the best. Being perfect doesn’t exist. Working hard and pushing through the mistakes does. – @DJKellyJ
– I’m hands on. I like to get involved in the community working with the inner city youth. – @BrownSugarLX
– Reach out to the young girls in our communities. Be transparent and genuinely connect with them. – @SoDreWrites
– By showing ways to elevate/progress using intellect vs. body – @katzwndrland
We have to do more and talk less. We can preach all day, but they’ll remember the example. – @LRogers_Global
– We can become better role models by educating ourselves. By leading by example and lending a hand when we can. – @miss_aqt
– By example. I have learned, especially through my children, that I can talk and preach till I’m blue in the face..But what they are looking at are my actions. They look to that more than my words. – @msmorning0711
– By sharing the knowledge you have acquired. – @THELADY_Brand
– By puttin ourselves out into the community. Doesn’t have to be complicated. Simple as volunteering at the Boys & Girls Club – @Honey_l3
– Lead by example. Don’t hide our success or intelligence. Show that women don’t have to be naked to win #GIRLBOSS@SuperWomanBrand

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Now I didn’t share the answers from the remainder of the 9 questions because I would love for you to answer them on your own. You  may read the full dialogue of the chat by clicking -> here <- and clicking the “favorites” tab.

We want to send out a huge thank you to all of the ladies for taking the time out to answer questions, following along, share and exchange knowledge. Your support goes a long way. 

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, YOUR CROWN IS FALLING.

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Things Every Woman Should Leave Behind In 2014

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We are three weeks away from ringing in the new year and while many of us are anticipating what to wear on New Years Eve, brainstorming over our New Years Resolutions and putting together our Vision Boards, there is one thing a lot of us forget to do in the process. We forget to leave some things behind before we step into the New Year. My question to you is, how do you expect to have an even better year, a new attitude and a new you if your mind frame as well as your actions don’t change? Just think about it. New Year, Same girl. Nothing changes except the year.

During our #GirlBoss twitter chat which took place this Sunday, I posed the question to the participants…

WHAT SHOULD EVERY #GIRLBOSS LEAVE BEHIND IN 2014?

and their responses were very similar to one another with the exception of a few…

Negativity in every form; people, places, things and thoughts. #DeadThat – @SuperWomanBrand

Jealousy and envy coming from their enemies Lol. Seriously though…the fear of failure. The fear of not fitting in, the fear of looking a certain way to society.@Yasmeen_Sincere

Lose this fear of rejection. That’s a really expensive fear to have.@DJKellyJ

Doubt and guilt. Just because it failed (business/relationships) doesn`t mean its the end. - @BrownSugarLX

Leave that ‘fearful’ outlook on life + achieving your goals in 2014, it’s about time we put in those big girl panties.@MsCareyLee

The negativity, the doubts, the fears. But don’t forget it. Use that to fuel your fight and hunger to achieve your goals.@msmorning0711

I believe in practicing new habits daily not just yearly. However, leave negative energy & the fear of failure behind.@katzwndrland

Negativity in all forms. Negative people, negative things, negative ideals, negative thoughts and negative mindsets.Leave behind everything that didn’t help you grow to your fullest potential. Leave behind fear!@miss_aqt

While their list is awesome, I will take on the role of the bad girl and list some things that you probably think is okay but in the end is self limiting. And what I mean by that is that these things are causing you to stunt your own growth.

EX BOYFRIENDS – They are your ex for a reason. Have you ever heard the saying “It’s called a break-up because it is broken.” Chances are, if you didn’t work it out the last three times, then you are probably wasting your time. Give yourself time to be single, enjoy your freedom, date yourself for awhile so you can learn new things and figure out who you are and what you like. Date outside of your comfort zone. Leave those exes in 2014.

DRAMA FILLED FRIENDS – He said, she said never got anyone far in life. People that are constantly calling you with drama really aren’t your friends. They just don’t want to experience the level of drama alone so they call you up and gossip or drain the little bit of energy you barely have left from a hectic day. Who wants to live in misery and negativity all of the time? I sure don’t. Bye Felicia.

MEDIOCRE THINKING – Okay listen. It’s okay to be realistic but think above and beyond your circumstances. The one thing that we fail to realize as we are growing through something is that, trouble doesn’t last always and as long as you are down, there’s only one way to go and that is up. Stop limiting yourself and start to think big(ger). The bigger you think, the more work you put in and hard work breeds reward. Think big. Live big.

COMFORTABILITYNothing ever grows from a comfort zone. Have you ever noticed that time keeps passing you by and you’re bored doing the same things over again with no desire for anything new. You don’t want to try anything because you’re afraid of losing your job or missing something. But the truth is, because you are not taking risks and instead you are playing it safe, you are missing out on a world of opportunities. When you look up, you will be in the same exact place as you have been these past few years. Wake up.

TORN PANTIES – Now this is just the rule that I grew up obeying. I typically go through my panty drawer every few months to get rid of worn/torn panties. But it’s a big no-no to ring in the new year with a collection of see thru panties and I’m not talking about the ones that were made that way. (wink). Perhaps you should put that on your secret santa list.

THE JOB YOU ABSOLUTELY HATE – This is a no brainer yet it’s something that is a constant reminder, for myself even. Money is good but you weren’t born to just pay bills and die. If you, like most of us don’t have the guts to just dive head first into the unknown, pick up a trade or a side hustle doing something you’re curious about learning or something that you absolutely love doing. Over time, pick up more work in that field and began to build a resume’ based off of your experience. In no time, you will love your new career and I would love for you to come back and tell us all about it.

CLUTTER - C’mon girl! For obvious reasons, clutter must go. Now I know everyone isn’t like me but it doesn’t hurt to mention. I like to declutter my room, closet and paperwork about once every 6 months. There is just something so peaceful about simplicity. The less stuff you have, the less you have to worry about. Besides, what is the point of owning everything if one, you never use it, and for two, you have so many things you can never find it. Clean up and clean out. You won’t miss it.

WHAT ARE SOME ITEMS ON YOUR LIST THAT WILL NOT MAKE IT INTO 2014?

FASHION FRIDAY || Looking For What To Wear To The Holiday Office Party? We Got You Covered!

Holiday Office Party

Have you ever been to your Holiday Office Party and that one chick showed up looking like she belonged in the club? Don’t let that be you. In fact with the inspirational looks below, I’m certain that stressing what to wear will be the last thing you have to worry about. Now not every woman has the same style. In fact, major factors play into completing a look. Comfort, budget, the perfect fit, your shape and the list goes on. So keep in mind those key points while dressing for the night because it’s not always about looking good for Instagram if you can’t last in those new cute heels longer than 20 mins.

On to the good part…

Holiday Office Party

COMFORT

 

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CLASSY

 

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SEXY (BUT NOT TOO MUCH)

 

Holiday Party in Feathers
Holiday Party in Feathers by gemique featuring an open back cocktail dress

POLISHED

 

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GIRLY

 

Holiday Office Party - Day to Night Outfit
Holiday Office Party – Day to Night Outfit by hattie4palmerstone featuring christmas home decor

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WHICH LOOK BEST DESCRIBES YOUR PERSONALITY?

Forgot All About Those 2014 Resolutions You Set In January? Don’t Worry, Start Now!

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Time is winding down and 2014 is almost over. While the clock is ticking, your head is spinning and you’re cursing yourself out for not completing your New Years Resolutions. You are probably automatically thinking of what your 2015 resolutions will be like and chalking up the remainder of this year as being over with. Breathe. Relax. Reset. Now Focus!!!

Guilt, doubt and frustration are the many factors of procrastination. And while you’re stressed about not completing your 2014 goals, if you don’t change your mindset, the new year will come and you will feel this exact same feeling of anxiety come December 2015. The truth is, the new year doesn’t automatically create a new you if your mindset remains the same.

Why wait for the new year to want better for yourself? To do better for yourself? We do not need a new year to remind us of the changes we wish to make yet that seems like the popular thing to do. New Year, New Me will be plastered all over your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds until mid year and all of the changes will fall off including those who set them. But for you, that changes now.

The only change that will come with your goals is knowing what you want, the desire of wanting it so bad that you can taste it, see it, feel it and making the time as well as the sacrifices you need to make in order for you to see it become your reality. Sometimes slow and steady wins the race so it isn’t about being the first to do something. The key to change is remaining consistent in your actions by getting up and completing tasks no matter how much you don’t feel like doing it. Setting your intentions on “no matter what” and “now” verses “tomorrow” and “let’s start Monday”.  Eliminating distractions and replacing those distractions with inspirational people, environments and activities.

That means you may have to let go of some friends, change your circle, expand your horizon, move in a different direction, cut off your television, log out of social media, and get started right now exactly where you are with the exact tools you have. Dust off your old goal sheets and resolutions. Decide on which achievements would make your heart dance and cross out the rest. Focus on those and those alone. I don’t want you to sulk in disappointment because you let another year pass you by, I want you to use this as motivation to do better. Be better. And yes, I am holding you accountable for your own happiness. Start NOW because the power of now is much stronger than a new year.